another ending
by FlawlessCaskett
Summary: "What are you saying here, Kate? That you're still in love with him? All that time? After all we've been through together? After all the years?" One-shot. Complete. AU-ish


**AN: just a little thingy that came to me while I was brushing my teeth (well, sometimes inspiration strikes at the most trivial moments) and that I wrote down in a hurry. I'm still hoping to continue "Dance again" some time soon, I'm so sorry for the delay, but now I got some spare time again and I'll just stop talking now because you're not interested in my babblings. I'd be more than happy to read what you think! Reviews are love :)**

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_another ending_

"What are you saying here, Kate? That you're still in love with _him_? All that time? After all we've been through together? After all the years?"

He looked her plain in the face, his beautiful blue eyes clouded with anger and pain. How'd they get here? Maybe she was. Still in love with _him_, that is. It's been five years now, since they broke up, since her world crumbled and she was left alone to pick up the pieces.

She was four years into this relationship now. It felt great when they finally got together, fresh and right in a way not many things felt in the months that passes before. But now she started to have doubts about that rightness. About their love. Because maybe she still had feelings for _him_. How was she supposed to know? There was a big chaos in her head that she just couldn't find a way to sort through. They didn't end things pretty. No, it was messy and sad. So, so sad. She cried a lot in the first time afterwards, but who were they kidding? They didn't work. It wasn't meant to be. They both agreed on that. At least one thing left. (Besides the fact that they loved each other.) _He_ wanted more. She wasn't ready to give. (Sometimes love alone is not enough.) Not a day has gone by though, where she hasn't asked herself 'What if?'

"Kate, did you even listen to anything I just said?" He was mad, like really furious, although he obviously tried to keep himself calm and reasonable.

"I... I-... Look, I don't know, okay? I don't know and it drives me nuts. I can't stop thinking about it, it's all so very much in my head and... I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." At least she finally got some sort of answer out of herself.

"So what do you want to do? Give up on us? For _him_? That pity excuse of a man?" That was low and they both knew it. "Hey, I'm sorry, that came out wrong. But we're engaged, for heavens sakes! You really wanna throw all of that away?"

Was she? Did she really want to risk that safe and working (Well it did. Until she destroyed it) relationship for the distant memory of the man she once so desperately loved? Past tense, because it's not like she didn't try to forget _him_. Oh no, she did. In fact, that was probably one of the reasons she decided to settle for this thing. She was in a bad place when they met and he was there to cheer her up, to give a little joy back to the dark hole that had been her life. Back then she thought she was burying the grief and choose happiness instead, but now, if she was being honest, she just fled herself into his strong arms, after everything that happened. She decided to never peak beneath the bandage she'd wrapped around herself, too afraid of the scars she would find. If there were any. Because scars meant healing. But Kate wasn't healing, no, she was raw and bleeding and looking for something or better someone to stop the blood from completely draining out of her. So she found him. Her bandaid.

"Do you remember what you were like when we met? All closed up and broken? Because this thing, this relationship destroyed you. Don't go back there. Don't open these wounds again. Please, let's just have the life together, that we planned. What about the wedding? Please, Kate, don't do this to us!"

He was begging her but she couldn't get herself to reply to his pleading. Tears were streaming down her face in burning hot rivulets and as much as she tried to hold onto her composure, they just wouldn't stop flowing. So she let them. What was the difference now, anyway? Now that she was about to break this wonderful man's heart, because hers had secretly belonged to someone else (_him) _all along. She deserved to suffer. After all, she was the one causing pain here.

While she stood there rooted to the floor, unable to move, he couldn't seem to hold still, kept pacing through the room like some caged animal. His voice, however, was now steady and firm.

"All of this, just because you saw _him_ on the street? You didn't even talk to him, for all you know... God, why am I even arguing about this? I've already lost you, no matter what I say or do, haven't I?"

"I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. I thought I was over it. _Him_. I really did. But seeing him just brought it all back. It's like I'm right back at the point where you picked up my pieces four years ago. And that's not fair. To you. I'm not asking you to understand me. Only... Please, promise me to stay the amazing man that you are. You're gonna make some woman very lucky some day. Just not me. It's never been me. But that's not your fault, it's mine, it's..."

Trailing off, not knowing what else to say, she waited for him to respond. She was surprised, because suddenly, there was nothing but resolve on this handsome man's face she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with when she promised him forever as she took his ring. There was just resolve... and acceptance, deep down beneath the surface.

"I just realized that I didn't lose you, Kate. No. Because to lose something you gotta have it. You can't lose something that wasn't yours in the first place."

He stepped into her personal space, but Kate didn't back away. She couldn't. Not after what she just did to him. Let him have whatever he needed right now. Because although she did not ask him to, he gave her the understanding that he always had for her. Where he took it from, she couldn't tell. But she was grateful nonetheless.

"Keep it. Keep it and remember our good times, will you? It wasn't all fake after all, right?"

He looked so insecure, like a little boy and she had the strong urge to comfort him.

"No, no, please don't think that. I really, really like you. But I'm not capable of making this work. And I don't wanna keep pretending that someday it'll just work itself out all of a sudden one day. I don't wanna keep you from finding someone who can make you happy, who can give you the love you deserve. Just know that I am thankful for everything you did for me and that I'm deeply sorry about how this went. I really am."

Kissing her delicately on the lips one last time, she could feel him fully give into the sad truth. He tried. And failed. Because she couldn't be the person she wanted to be. For him. Just like back then with _him._

"I hope you'll find whatever it is you're looking for, Kate."

With that and one final look at her, he stepped away and was out of the door, out if her life, before she could really process what just happened. There she was, standing in the living room of her world, shattered all over again. Her new world, that had vanished away in mere moments like some dream.

That one short glance at _Richard Castle_ being her wake up call.


End file.
